Crazy But Able

Dear Internets,

Please shut up about the damn Kindle already. I was sick of hearing about this thing after story number two, and after reading about it in the newspaper, on almost every website I check on a daily basis, and even hearing about it on the radio during my commute (!), I now despise not only the Kindle itself, but also anyone who has ever held one in their hands. The thing is butt-ugly; it looks like a cross between a programmable thermostat and a portable GPS unit from 1996. Do these people even live on the same planet as the iPod?

And the name. Kindle. My first thought was “what a stupid name, it’s not even a real word.” Okay, cut me some slack, it was 5:30 a.m. and I was still waking up. My second thought was “Book burning?! They’re naming their e-book reader after starting book fires!?” It took me several more minutes before I figured out that Amazon’s marketing department maybe wasn’t thinking of book fires when they named their book reader. (I haven’t decided if my misunderstanding is the fault of the marketing department or my fault for trying to read for comprehension at 5:30 a.m.)

Actually, I feel sorry for the Amazon.com marketing folks. Like Dr. Frankenstein calling down the Buzz Lightning, they were compelled to take this inert, beige lump and attempt to infuse it with some sort of personality. And just like Dr. Frankenstein’s creature, everyone who sees the Kindle instinctively recoils in loathing and disgust.

And that’s just what it’s called, and what it looks like! As for functionality, I cannot believe you have to pay to use RSS feeds on this thing. Yes, I understand, they’re giving you “free” wireless access, and they have to recoup those bandwidth fees somehow. Still, who is this feature even for? I wouldn’t pay for it. I don’t even use RSS on my computer when it’s free.

Furthermore, Big Amazon is watching everything you do:

The Device Software will provide Amazon with data about your Device and its interaction with the Service (such as available memory, up-time, log files and signal strength) and information related to the content on your Device and your use of it (such as automatic bookmarking of the last page read and content deletions from the Device). Annotations, bookmarks, notes, highlights, or similar markings you make in your Device are backed up through the Service.

And if they don’t like what you’re doing, they can take back the books you paid for:

Your rights under this Agreement will automatically terminate without notice from Amazon if you fail to comply with any term of this Agreement. In case of such termination, you must cease all use of the Software and Amazon may immediately revoke your access to the Service or to Digital Content without notice to you and without refund of any fees.

Both of those passages are from the Kindle terms of service, which I gleefully copy and pasted from Mark Pilgrim’s excellent The Future of Reading (A Play in Six Acts). Yes, that’s right, terms of service.

I have tons of gadgets. I like modifying them (like my wah pedal; I did a little tweak to my Vox wah that gives it just a little extra squeal on the top end) or using them in unusual ways. I despise terms of service when they are attached to physical objects. Threaten to void my warranty, that’s fine. But when I buy something I expect it to be mine, to use as I like. I want a book reader I can hack, not one that’s created by a bunch of them.

I certainly like the idea of a book reader. All my favorite books on a single device that I can carry around with me! When it first came out, I read half of Cory Doctorow’s novel Eastern Standard Tribe on my crappy old PDA until I got fed up with reading 10 lines at a time. I drove to Barnes and Noble and bought a real copy to keep from going crazy. I hear that the screen on the Kindle is much better looking, but still, the gadget as a whole has too many negatives. Until something more suitable comes along, I’m sticking with real books.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, November 21st, 2007 at 1:20 am and is filed under general foofiness. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.