Hometown nuts… the best kind
Awesome! While trolling fark, I found this op-ed from the Cheboygan Daily Tribune which claims that NASA space launches are causing “peculiar weather”.
From watching space launches on television, you have seen how much force it takes to get even an unmanned space vehicle off the ground. It takes even more if there are five or six heavy people aboard in those space suits and bulky shoes. They have been using women more often lately, but even so, it takes a lot of power to overcome the earth’s gravity.
Ah… living here in the people’s republic great city of Minneapolis, I’ve gotten so used to dealing with paranoia from left-wing nuts, I forgot about the right-wingers. I used to live next door to Hal, a guy who was good friends with Jim and Terry Nichols; the brothers Nichols used to come up all the time and have cookouts with Hal and his family (I never actually met them though.) Having lived next to Hal, I’m pretty well acquainted with right-wing nut talking points. Reading this op-ed almost made me homesick. *sniff*
Anyway, here’s a helpful guide to tell the difference between left-wing vs. right-wing nuts:
Left wing nuts: “Bush caused 9/11, of course. He conspired with the Saudis to jack up oil prices, but really he’s probably so stupid I bet the Saudis are just controlling him! We invaded Afghanistan to get the Taliban out of the way so we can build a secret pipeline to get all of Afghanistan’s oil for ourselves! And Iraq, well, more oil, of course, and who cares if we alienate our staunch allies in the world and in the middle east, like Saudi Arabia! And isn’t this whole war on terror thing convenient for Israel to keep oppressing the Palestinians? I mean, it’s almost like they planned the whole thing! And I heard that NO Israelis died in the 9/11 attacks…. coincidence? We need to divest ourselves of Israeli investments, and get our money out of the hands of the Jews!”
Right wing nuts: “The reflective stickers on the back of street signs are signals to the UN tanks: when the UN invades our country the tanks will be driven by foreigners who won’t know how to drive on the right side of the road. The stickers will tell them that they’re driving the wrong way. Income tax is voluntary, you never have to pay it if you live on your own land and you never engage the fiction of the “United States” such as “zip codes”. Those five digit numbers are properly called “postal zones”. Oh, by the way, NEVER put your money in a bank, banks are part of the “system” and usually controlled by Jews!”
Okay, so I guess there’s not much difference after all.
August 30th, 2004 at 9:55 pm
for the left nuts you forgot those secret alien ships we have hidden in the desert or as the right nuts like to call them our top-secret fighter planes that we should use to blow the crap out of canada, the source of all evil. well you did say nuts…. my preference though are the nuts that like to spin themselves in until they fall down. why can’t there be more nuts like that? you’ll have to excuse me though, I’m going outside to twirle now…..
September 1st, 2004 at 6:55 pm
what about hazelnuts?